I Say! Wot a Styupid, Ovadone tawpic.

Everybody loves a good foreign accent. Whether it is followed by a smirk, an understanding nod, or a look of sheer paranoia, it's one of those wonderful things that proves America to be the melting pot it's been since the opening of Ellis Island in 1892. Hooray for the Jamaican taxi cab drivers of New York, the Chinese manager from the Hot Wok Café, and the guy that mows your lawn.

Then again, is America truly a gigantic melting pot? Or would a better metaphor be a huge salad bowl? After all, most aspects of diversity don't really mix. Sure, you and your friends like to order some Chinese take-out now and then. But would you really attend Mr. Chu's party for the Chinese New Year? OK, maybe you would. But most people would just stick to their own personal lives and do what they consider to be the standard American past time; watching prime-time television, teaching your kid how to throw a baseball, or hanging with some college buddies at a local bar. Not everyone has the time or spirit to attend an event for some weird, exotic holiday taking place somewhere on the other side of the globe..

Although many people don't realize it (or won't openly acknowledge it), America does have certain expectations towards it citizens. For example, speaking good, comprehendable Engrish. I can not tell you how many times I see a trace of bewilderment/ surprise/ impatience on the faces of people my parents try to ask directions from. And you know what...I CAN'T BLAME THEM.

The conversations usually go like this (I don't think it's hard to figure out which lines are from my parents):

"Hi, can uh yoo tell where we can uh go dis place?"

"Excuse me?"

"We want go here [stabs map with index finger]."

"Oh, you mean the information center?"

"Ya...right, right."

"Oh, it's right around the corner."

"Oh...sanks!"

"No problem..."

But before you judge my parents as inferior...well....DON'T even though watching them struggle drives me batsh*t insane . I can't really blame my poor parents for anything. After all, they really do try their best. My mom honestly tries to read the magazines we subscribe to, even though trying to explain an idiom to her is sometimes impossible cryptic. My dad, knowing the importance of English, studied English literature for a while in college. To this day, he values literacy greatly, offering to bring us to the local library whenever he can.

One of the greatest challenges of having an "accent" is being stereotyped (I'm not even going to bother to mention all the rubbish I go through). But in all honesty, even I sometimes can't help imagining a tea-sipping, spectacle-donning figure wearing knee-high stockings whenever I hear a British person talking. But people, you've got to understand...THIS ISN'T THE F*CKING 18TH CENTURY!!!!!! Nowadays, no one in Britain goes parading around cobblestone streets wearing a top hat except for Willy Wonka. Unless you want a band of angry British skinheads to get medieval on your butt, I wouldn't highly recommend mocking them in any way. If you ever get the chance to go to any city in Britain, you will learn that the majority of people there are down-to-earth, friendly, and NOT FRIKKEN TOP HAT WEARERS!!! urbane but BY NO MEANS SNOBBY.

If you think about it, it would make more sense if the British people mocked us for the way WE speak. After all, ENGLish did originate in ENGLand. If you never imagined George Washington with a British accent, you better now. Unless you completely missed out on grade school education, you would know that the first major European settlements in North America were Norse British. So technically, we're speaking with an American accent. Joy.

So kids, if you get anything out of this article, let it be this: there is more to a person than his/her foreign accent. So what if my parents unintentionally drop prepositions and conjunctions when they talk? They still love America as much as the next average Joe. And hey, in all likelihood the worst thing that can happen if you talk to a person with an "accent" is broaden your horizons.

So, quoting my favorite peanut-farmer (that's you, Jimmy Carter!):

"We have become not a melting pot but a beautiful mosaic. Different people, different beliefs, different yearnings, different hopes, different dreams."