The Devil Wears Prada...but GORBACHEV WEARS LOUIS VUITTON!

Boy oh boy have times changed...

I'm not even sure what to say for this one....

Anyway, there you have it. Mikhail Gorbachev as the new face of Louis Vuitton!

Don't stare too hard :).

GORBY FOR VICTORIA'S SECRET!!! YEA!!!

Got (Antibiotic treated and Hormone-raged) Milk?

Warning: This post is DAS (Dead A** Serious)

I used to love the Got Milk? commercials (even though I was a bit lactose intolerant). In the midst of all the random, crass advertisements that wallowed in the ideal of reckless human consumption, the full-page GM? ads felt wholesome and comforting. Flanked by some of the most god-like celebrities (including the likes of Conan O'Brien, Sarah Michelle Gellar, and Pikachu), milk seemed to be the super drink of the millenium, something that Popeye would use in place of spinach and still get the same great effects.

It took me awhile to realize that the purpose of those ads were less charming than seemed. Other than for encouraging poor grammar (not unlike Apple's "Think Different") I would personally criticize these ads on quite a few levels.

First off, a little history...

Started in 1993, the campaign was created by the advertising agency Goodby Silverstein & Partners for the California Milk Processor Board in 1993. The campaign is credited with putting life back into milk sales nationwide after a 20-year slump. So there. So much for GM? being a non-profit cause.

Now, think back to when you were little. When most of us were wee little ones, we were pounded into our noggins taught that dairy products are rich sources of calcium, making them essential for building strong bones. Calcium loss from bone was said to cause osteoporosis and the oh-so-feared "adult shrinkage".

Well, listen to this:

"After tracking hip fractures and eating habits in 72,337 women for 20 years, they failed to find a correlation between consuming more than 700mg of calcium a day and stronger bones."

"Similarly, a 1994 study of elderly men and women in Sydney, Australia, showed that higher dairy product consumption was associated with increased fracture risk. Those with the highest dairy product consumption had approximately double the risk of hip fracture compared with those with the lowest consumption."

Did you know that the countries with the highest rates of osteoporosis are the ones where people drink the most milk (namely Norway, Sweden, and Denmark) and have the most calcium in their diets?

But what about all the awesome calcium, you pout? Dairy products cause calcium to be lost through the kidneys into the urine, making it useless to the body.

Sorry to break your little heart there. But what's next is even scarier:

Approved about 14 years ago by the FDA, BGH (Bovine Growth Hormone), which is used by dairy farmers to increase their milk production, is actually a GENETICALLY ENGINEERED drug. Not surprisingly, it has been known to cause many problems for the cows injected including increases in mastitis (udder disease), reproductive problems, swellings, digestive problems, enlarged hocks and lesions and foot problems. Believe it or not, about a quarter of the milk produced in this nation contains BGH. Hmmmm...can't wait to chug that down the next time I reach for the fridge.

Obviously, all these antibiotics and injections given to cows will effect the humans that are so overly encouraged to consume it. And not in a pretty way.

In fact, Dutch and Scandinavian women suffer from higher rates of breast cancer compared to countries with low levels of calcium intake, something that could almost definitively be linked to the high consumption levels of milk.

After visiting a local dairy farm (I do love Elsie) I learned that pasteurized, homogenized milk is NEVER fed to calves as it will make them sick.

And even though milk is a liquid, it contains quite a frightening amount of fats and cholesterol. One cup of 2% milk has as much fat as 3 strips of bacon. Think of that the next time you reach for the carton.

But no, sweethearts. Skim milk is not any better. Read this:

"The path...begins with modern feeding methods that substitute high-protein, soy-based feeds for fresh green grass and breeding methods to produce cows with abnormally large pituitary glands so that they produce three times more milk than the old fashioned scrub cow. These cows need antibiotics to keep them well.

Their milk is then pasteurized so that all valuable enzymes are destroyed..."

"Literally dozens of other precious enzymes are destroyed in the pasteurization process. Without them, milk is very difficult to digest. The human pancreas is not always able to produce these enzymes; over-stress of the pancreas can lead to diabetes and other diseases."

"The butterfat of commercial milk is homogenized, subjecting it to rancidity. Even worse, butterfat may be removed altogether. Skim milk is sold as a health food, but the truth is that butter-fat is in milk for a reason."

Well, now that we've talked about skim milk, let's talk about what you've probably been wondering about: losing weight. So Sophia, you ask, is it true that drinking milk helps you lose weight?

The "Dairy council" says it is. They recommend that we add three dairy products to our daily diet. To lose this weight, we should drink the watery low-fat varieties of these products. But they also say you must also reduce our daily calorie intake as well as exercise.

Can you say BS???? That's like saying, "I can give you a free house. But to have it, you must provide all the materials and build it yourself."

To those downing pints of milk in your system in hopes of losing weight, here's what to do next: STOP!!!!

From the Washington Post:

"The study of more than 12,000 children nationwide found that the more milk they drank, the more weight they gained: Those consuming more than three servings each day were about 35 percent more likely to become overweight than those who drank one or two."

Anyway, remember this: COW MILK WAS NOT CREATED FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION. IT IS FOR BABY COWS. Considering that about 75% of Earth's human population is lactose intolerant, only a COMPLETE DUMA** would think of cow milk as a "natural" drink for humans.

If you really want your Calcium and Vitamin D, eat your veggies.

Up to 10,000 years ago no humans consumed cow's milk yet the archaeological record shows that our ancestors, maintained excellent bone health without having to steal milk from the children of other mammals. How did they do this?

Green leafy vegetables, such as kale and spring greens, meets calcium requirements in a manner consistent with our evolutionary heritage. Hooray for kale!

too old to be in an anti-aging ad. never too old to reap some extra $.

So I was reading TIME magazine one day when I flipped to the back and saw one of the most disturbing strangely provocative advertisements I'd ever seen in my frail young life. It was basically a nude "matured" woman sitting in a very discreet way (so as to cover her goods, if you know what I mean) with a stoned triumphant smile across her face. Although the sharp cameras managed to capture every wrinkle, line, and spot on her "matured" body, there was something in this Dove ad that managed to disturb me more. And that, my friends, was the smell of sweet, corporate brainwashing.

OK, before you hammer me in defense of these commercials that celebrate "real" women, let me say this- the message Dove COULD have championed would have been honorable. But if you look at these ads closely, you will realize that Dove is a complete f*cking hypocrite. Take a look at Exhibit A, for example (Warning: This is NSFW if your employer considers post-menopausal women erotic). Well, let's look at the first, more obvious part of the ad first. It's a woman who is all smiles and "is proud of her body." Awwww. Isn't that nice.

Now look at the subliminal message given at the bottom of the ad. "But this isn't anti-age. this is pro age. the perfect time to trust your skin and hair to dove care." OK, first of all, what the heck does "pro-age" mean? Does it mean being proud of aging gracefully and loving yourself as you are? That being the case, isn't it odd that it's an advertisement for a set that includes ANTI-aging creams? But hell, no one cares. After all, it's the wonderful message that Dove is spreading to the aging masses isn't it? They long to hear someone tell them that they are young, vibrant and beautiful and feel all bubbly inside.



And you know what? You ARE vibrant and wonderful. But let a loved one be the one to tell you that- not a money-hungry, mind-controlling corporation.

I Say! Wot a Styupid, Ovadone tawpic.

Everybody loves a good foreign accent. Whether it is followed by a smirk, an understanding nod, or a look of sheer paranoia, it's one of those wonderful things that proves America to be the melting pot it's been since the opening of Ellis Island in 1892. Hooray for the Jamaican taxi cab drivers of New York, the Chinese manager from the Hot Wok Café, and the guy that mows your lawn.

Then again, is America truly a gigantic melting pot? Or would a better metaphor be a huge salad bowl? After all, most aspects of diversity don't really mix. Sure, you and your friends like to order some Chinese take-out now and then. But would you really attend Mr. Chu's party for the Chinese New Year? OK, maybe you would. But most people would just stick to their own personal lives and do what they consider to be the standard American past time; watching prime-time television, teaching your kid how to throw a baseball, or hanging with some college buddies at a local bar. Not everyone has the time or spirit to attend an event for some weird, exotic holiday taking place somewhere on the other side of the globe..

Although many people don't realize it (or won't openly acknowledge it), America does have certain expectations towards it citizens. For example, speaking good, comprehendable Engrish. I can not tell you how many times I see a trace of bewilderment/ surprise/ impatience on the faces of people my parents try to ask directions from. And you know what...I CAN'T BLAME THEM.

The conversations usually go like this (I don't think it's hard to figure out which lines are from my parents):

"Hi, can uh yoo tell where we can uh go dis place?"

"Excuse me?"

"We want go here [stabs map with index finger]."

"Oh, you mean the information center?"

"Ya...right, right."

"Oh, it's right around the corner."

"Oh...sanks!"

"No problem..."

But before you judge my parents as inferior...well....DON'T even though watching them struggle drives me batsh*t insane . I can't really blame my poor parents for anything. After all, they really do try their best. My mom honestly tries to read the magazines we subscribe to, even though trying to explain an idiom to her is sometimes impossible cryptic. My dad, knowing the importance of English, studied English literature for a while in college. To this day, he values literacy greatly, offering to bring us to the local library whenever he can.

One of the greatest challenges of having an "accent" is being stereotyped (I'm not even going to bother to mention all the rubbish I go through). But in all honesty, even I sometimes can't help imagining a tea-sipping, spectacle-donning figure wearing knee-high stockings whenever I hear a British person talking. But people, you've got to understand...THIS ISN'T THE F*CKING 18TH CENTURY!!!!!! Nowadays, no one in Britain goes parading around cobblestone streets wearing a top hat except for Willy Wonka. Unless you want a band of angry British skinheads to get medieval on your butt, I wouldn't highly recommend mocking them in any way. If you ever get the chance to go to any city in Britain, you will learn that the majority of people there are down-to-earth, friendly, and NOT FRIKKEN TOP HAT WEARERS!!! urbane but BY NO MEANS SNOBBY.

If you think about it, it would make more sense if the British people mocked us for the way WE speak. After all, ENGLish did originate in ENGLand. If you never imagined George Washington with a British accent, you better now. Unless you completely missed out on grade school education, you would know that the first major European settlements in North America were Norse British. So technically, we're speaking with an American accent. Joy.

So kids, if you get anything out of this article, let it be this: there is more to a person than his/her foreign accent. So what if my parents unintentionally drop prepositions and conjunctions when they talk? They still love America as much as the next average Joe. And hey, in all likelihood the worst thing that can happen if you talk to a person with an "accent" is broaden your horizons.

So, quoting my favorite peanut-farmer (that's you, Jimmy Carter!):

"We have become not a melting pot but a beautiful mosaic. Different people, different beliefs, different yearnings, different hopes, different dreams."

This post is only 100 calories!

Anyone who's strolled down to their local supermarket, peered into a snack machine, or had a sweet tooth within the past twelve months will no doubtedly have noticed this....



THE INVASION OF 100 CALORIE SNACK PACKS....



Nabisco, one of the head honchos of child obesity the snacking kingdom, has claimed that "Now you can indulge and still know that you're making a smart choice."And so they fly a gigantic maroon banner across their boxes, delivering to the world what it wants: happy snacking without the worry of gaining weight.

And indeed, the advent of these mini packs have been a blessing...for the companies that manufacture them, that is.

Despite the mediocre pricing (has ANYONE realized that they are paying $3.29 for 500 calories worth of food?), these handy, irresistable little portion-controlled products have spread across the continent entire f*cking planet. In supermarkets, in schools (I've spotted them in my high school, actually), at news stands...hell, you could be munching on them right now as you're reading this.

As an environmentalist (a.k.a. Mother Nature's b*tch), this overpackaging to me is sheer blasphemy. "Fewer bites. Fewer calories." And a helluva lot more solid waste, most of it being mylar coated foil or something equally non-reusable/ recyclable. So yea. Thanks to mindless consumerism for making our land fills obese!

My overall verdict is that the only things these 100 calorie packs help people lose is money. But for people that have absolutely zero self-control, I suppose this is the only solution.

Then again you could just stop eating junk food altogether and save your calories for food actually worth consuming.
I'd give up a couple of packs of "Oreo Thins" ANY DAY so that I could enjoy a hot bowl of soup.